Fifty Shades Nastier Read online

  It’s not always evident who is pleasuring whom or with what. At some point, I think I remember a band. The brass and percussion instruments were wonderful, the string section, not so much.

  I find my mouth returning again and again for Svetlanka’s kisses. She pushes my fist into her crotch on more than one occasion. It’s a tight fit with the trombone in there, but we manage.

  And always, Unit’s mushroom seeks my pussy willow. He goes slower now, in rhythm with our projected images. And it is good.

  The next morning, I awaken on the couch with the remote control shoved up my crotch. Unit is showering and Svetlanka is eating strawberries on the balcony. I pleasure myself with the remote control, giggling furiously as the video pauses, rewinds, slows and fastforwards to the throbbing of my honey walls. Next time, I’ll have to remember that the business end goes in first.

  Chapter 12

  By the time I get out of the shower, Svetlanka is gone, packing up for her trip to Peru. I’m disappointed, but eager to find out what other new and exciting sexual adventures Unit will expose me to.

  “What do you have planned for today, Master Green?” I sidle up to Unit, dripping wet wearing nothing but a scant towel.

  “Don’t tempt me now, vixen. We need to get you back to your mother’s. We don’t want her imagining that we’ve been up to anything out of the ordinary.”

  I screw my face up in deep thought.

  “And don’t screw your face like that. It makes me want to screw your face.”

  “I was just thinking, sometimes it’s like my closest friends and family can read my mind. I don’t want them reading about this.”

  “Tut, Nasty, if they see you acting a little guilty or embarrassed, they’ll just imagine you had sex. You were a virgin last week. You’re expected to look a little sheepish for awhile.”

  “What happens when I still look like this after awhile?”

  “Listen. It’s easy. Did you think I did these things before I told you about them?”

  “No.”

  “Then neither will anyone think you did these things. The key is, don’t look guilty, don’t walk like you’re sore, and hide any marks.”

  Double crap! More rules. What did this man expect form me?

  “How am I supposed to remember all that, Unit?”

  He scowled. I wasn’t sure if it was from my whining or my calling him “Unit.”

  “Just remember the three P’s: stand Proud, walk Painlessly, remain Poised. I think you can remember that, don’t you?”

  “I guess.”

  “That’s not all that’s bothering you, is it?” Unit cocked his head.

  “Well…I was wondering…how long have you ‘known’ Svetlanka?”

  “Just a few weeks.”

  “Did you let her touch your butt hole?”

  “Goodness, no, Nasty. No one touches my butt hole. And you needn’t be jealous. No sex partner that I haven’t been related to has touched my…I guess it’s my heart…the way you have.”

  “So…does that mean I’m your girlfriend?” There was a hitch in my heartbeat and I flushed.

  “I suppose it does. But, remember, I’m not a romantic kind of guy. Now, get dressed. We have to have you back to your mother’s before she thinks I’m doing more than deflowering you.”

  I look around the room. My dress is still in a heap on the floor, right where I’d left it. Without Michael Caine around, I guess certain things didn’t get done. I pick up the dress and notice Svetlanka’s thong on the floor. I bring it to my face and breathe it in. It smells of Svetlanka’s Love Canal. I rub it over my face and body, then put it on under my dress. Something to always remember Svetlanka by. That makes me happy. I wonder how often I can wear it before I’m forced to wash it.

  “Come, Nasty, I have a surprise for you.” Unit was in a cheerful mood.

  “So, you’re not in that big a hurry to get me home to my mother’s after all?” My feminine flaps twitch with anticipation.

  “Down girl. The surprise is how I’m getting you to your mother’s.”

  He opens the door to the hotel room and there stand two Segways. What was it with this guy and fancy transportation? Next thing you know, I’d be in a Star Trek teleporter.

  We spend fifteen minutes driving them around the hotel suite. It did take a bit of practice to become accustomed to the dang things, but they were kind of fun in a nerdy sort of way. Extra nerdy because Unit insisted I wear a helmet, knee and elbow pads, and driving gloves.

  Once he was satisfied that I had the hang of it, we Segway into the elevator, through the lobby and down Miami’s main drag. Fortunately, my mother didn’t live far from the beach. (Six was a very good provider.)

  When we arrived, Unit presented the Segway’s as gifts to my mother and Six. He seemed to take great delight in showing them how to operate them. Then, he sent them both off on a test drive.

  “You’re insane, you know. You can’t be going around giving me and my family gifts!”

  “I most certainly can, so I do. It makes me happy. Don’t you want me to be happy? You signed a contract saying you would make me happy.”

  “It makes me feel…” what was the word? Guilty? Used? “indebted.”

  “All the better. You are indebted. You signed a contract that practically makes you my indentured sex servant.”

  “I thought I was your girlfriend.” I flushed.

  “Ah, Nasty, po-tae-to, po-tah-to.” He cocked his head and gave me a wry smile. “Speaking of which, why hasn’t my girlfriend been sexting me? I gave you the soon-to-be-latest iphone.”

  “I don’t know how to text. I’ve never had a cell phone, much less the future’s new iphone.”

  “Is there nothing you’re not a virgin at?”

  “Sorry, you just happen to be dating a very inexperienced girl from Ithaca. But, I think you’ll agree: I catch on quickly.”

  Unit’s limo pulled up.

  “Unfortunately, I’ve got to go. But I’ll have you trained to text…soon. Give your parents my best. I need to get back to Seattle for an important meeting.” He got into the car muttering about poor Steve Jobs and who was he going to get now.

  Four hours later there was knock at the door. I was afraid it would be the police telling me my mother was in the hospital since she and Six hadn’t yet returned from their Segway test drive. But, instead it’s a guy named Steve Wozniak. He said Unitarian had asked him to teach me to text.

  After an hour, I was not only a great texter, I could also play a mean game of Tetris. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to have sex with the guy, or tip him with cash, so I figured offering him a chicken salad sandwich would be both friendly and neutral. We had a very nice conversation over the sandwiches. “Woz,” as he asked me to call him, was a very sharp guy for a text instructor. I wondered if the Apple genius bar really did require their employees to be geniuses.

  About an hour after Woz left, my mother and Six came back. They’d had a fine day showing off their Segways to everyone they knew. Or so I thought. When I got up in the morning, they left a note saying they had gone to show the Segways to friends they had not been able to get to the day before. I spent the day at the beach texting Unit. I had a full file of photos that I’d taken that morning for just this occasion.

  (I send a pic of me, or rather, my crotch area with a banana half stuffed in Svetlanka’s thong)

  Hey, Unit, is my pussy

  hungry or am I just

  wishing you were here?

  Passion fruit?

  Wow! I can’t believe I got a reply so fast. This texting thing is gonna be fun.

  (booby pic)

  Guess which one?

  Too easy. Left tit smaller.

  I can’t believe I kissed a girl!

  Neither can I.

  Who else is on your

  list of approved

  sexual partners?

  So far, only Svetlanka. That you know of.

  You know, I’ve always

  w
anted to see

  Machu Picchu.

  I would love to have you suck my Machu Picchu while our Russian friend fists your butt.

  Sounds good. I’ve wanted to

  make love in the ruins ever since

  I saw “Against All Odds.”

  What other Nasty fantasies might I be unaware of?

  I’m thinking I better

  keep them to myself

  for now. What

  Unitarian fantasies

  should I know about?

  I don’t have fantasies. I have realities.

  Don’t you fantasize

  about me when I’m

  not there? ;-)

  Yes, but those become realities.

  Are you fantasizing

  about me now?

  No, I’m having a difficult enough time negotiating this crucial corporate merger while sexting you under the boardroom table.

  I’m thinking I’d

  like to be tied down

  on your pool table &

  have you cue me up.

  There is a very long pause and I worry I may have gone a bit too far. Finally, after several finger-biting minutes, I receive a reply.

  Ms. Lime, I believe you just cost Green Corp. several million $$$.

  How could I do that?

  My boner.

  ?

  Someone on the other team noticed. Felt if I was that excited my price was too high.

  Ooops. Sorry!

  It’s okay. I’m willing to pay even more for a Nasty boner.

  Wish I were sitting on that boner.

  Why, Ms. Lime, interesting use of the pluperfect tense.

  The tension would definitely be

  pluperfect.

  If Sister Loyola knew her English lessons degraded into this, she’d give up teaching.

  If she knew what you have

  degraded into, she’d try to

  save your soul.

  She gave up on that decades ago.

  (pic of hunky guy staring at me)

  You’re making me writhe

  in the sand & attract attention.

  How long has this piece of meat been paying attention?

  Pretty much since I arrived.

  R U still wearing that banana?

  Bwha, ha,ha, ha, ha…

  With you, I think that was a reasonable question.

  Really?

  You are the most sexual recent virgin in existence. And you’re mine, all mine.

  Guess what? Police just

  dragged my gawker away!

  Good. Then I don’t have to worry about your safety.

  I think I need to go

  in the ocean and

  cool off. You make me hot.

  Good idea. Soons, dollface.

  Not soon enuf. ttyl

  I was pleased with myself for remembering some of the text slang Woz taught me.

  Chapter 13

  The flight back home is uneventful. I am once again upgraded to first class. This time, I know it’s not random. Unit is obviously the puppetmaster behind any unexpected perks that come my way.

  There is no Svetlanka stand-in waiting for me in first class. I think that’s good. While having sex with Svetlanka was so, so hot, I don’t want to make a habit of that kind of thing. Especially not in my new hometown. I am not after sex; I’m after love, right? Svetlanka and all of Unit’s sex tools are about sex. “Fucking” as Unitarian puts it.

  Not only is there no Svetlanka in first class, there's no one. I have the front of the plane all to myself. I wonder if that's got anything to do with Unitarian’s jealous paranoia. As if I go around picking up guys on planes!

  Unitarian is waiting for me at the airport as he promised. He is wearing pants that hang off his hips in such an incredibly sensual way. As I get into the car, I noticed there's a plastic seat cover on the passenger side seat.

  "You're pretty confident about your effect on me aren't you?"

  "The seat protector? I just like to be ready for any eventuality."

  The music Unitarian is playing on the car's sound system is extraordinary, but totally unfamiliar.

  "This is beautiful. What is it?"

  "Ahhh. This doesn't have a name and the composer is a mystery. The score was found among papers in a museum attic in Venice. I requisitioned the Vatican Philharmonic Orchestra to perform and record it for me."

  "Is there any area where you don't have some priceless original that no one else can possess?"

  "Not that I'm aware of. If you run into one, let me know."

  "Well, this car doesn't appear terribly unique."

  "Really? It's the one driven by James Bond in the 12th movie."

  "What about your shirt?"

  "Spun from silkworms of direct lineage to those of the first Emperor of China. It was designed exclusively for me by Stella McCartney. Except for the few in my closet, there are no others like it."

  "Okay, I give up."

  "It's not like you, Nasty, to give up so easily."

  "I know how to pick my battles."

  “I’ll have to remember that. It could come in very handy.”

  Crap! Unit gave me a wry smile that seemed very…dangerous.

  When we arrived at my apartment, Unit took my bags into my room.

  "An iron spindle bed! Perfect." Unitarian had a devilish grin on his face.

  "What's that supposed to mean?" I'm sure I flushed. My heart was beating 1,000,000 miles an hour.

  "It means I'm going to enjoy spending the night with you, Ms. Lime."

  "I didn't realize you'd been invited Master Green."

  "No invitation is necessary, Ms. Lime. Don't you recall your contract?"

  Crap! Again with that damn contract. How was I supposed to remember every little clause on countless pages? Still, the prospect of making love to Unitarian in my own bedroom was thrilling.

  "Truth be told, Master Green, I despise that contract."

  Unitarian raised an eyebrow, "and why would that be?"

  "Well… It seems you want me to do all sorts of unsettling things."

  "Yes, Nasty, that's the point."

  "I know I'm inexperienced, but don't people usually just sort of come up with their sexual moves as they go along? Planning and contracts seem…well…ridiculously structured."

  "I find planning is half the thrill. On days when I can't see you, I imagine all of the naughty, naughty things I'll do to you when where next together. Things you already agreed to do."

  "Don't you enjoy spontaneity?"

  "Never tried it, though I do enjoy improvising on occasion. I'm sure tonight will be full of… improvisation." The smile on Unitarians face was downright devious.

  "Well, I don't mind being seduced so far away from your Chamber of Whorers.”

  "Is that what you think of my playroom? A chamber of horrors?"

  "Of course! There's nothing playful about whips, chains, butt plugs and whatever else you have in that evil room of yours."

  "Ahh, you only say that because you haven't played with those toys." Unitarian rubbed his chin with his long, elegant fingers. "You want spontaneity? You got it."

  Somehow I doubted that I was going to get the kind of spontaneity I was thinking about. Unitarian headed for the kitchen, rummaging through drawers.

  "Sex toys needn't be exclusively for sex." Unitarian held up my manual eggbeater and began spinning its furiously.

  "Now, Unitarian, no good can come from an eggbeater. Too many moving parts."

  "Perhaps you have a point. But, these sauce spoons…this melon baller…oh there's so much here to work with."

  Unitarian excitedly bagged up a couple dozen utensils and hurried me into my bedroom.

  "Apple or sock?"

  "What?"

  "Which would you prefer to have stuffed in your mouth?"

  "Uhh…apple?” I wondered what kind of bizarre IQ test this might be. But, I was oh-so-wrong. Unitarian quickly shoved an apple in my mouth and duct taped it to my face.
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  "Mfhph!"

  "Perfect. We can't have you babbling about, can we, Ms. Lime?"

  As I reached up to pull the duct tape from my cheek, Unitarian pulled my shirt up and gathered it around my wrists. He gently tipped me back onto my bed and secured my bindings to my headboard spindle.

  I was beside myself with excitement and fear. My inner slut longed for whatever implement or appendage would be filling any one of my orifices. But, somewhere in the back of my head a tiny voice of sanity was screaming at me. No matter what I did I couldn't get that stupid bitch to shut up.

  While Unitarian was rummaging through his bag of kitchen tools/sex toys I quickly chewed through the apple in my mouth.

  "I don't want to be gagged!" I coughed, spitting apple seeds.

  "That's not what your contract says."

  "Then we'll have to amend it. I need to be able to tell you if you're hurting me."

  "Ms. Lime, your eyes tell me everything you need me to know. I read you like a book."

  At that, Unitarian worked off his stock and stuffed it in my mouth duct taping it firmly in place. Double crap! I was screwed. Or maybe not.

  I prodded at Unitarians crotch with my feet. Slowly, deliberately, I rubbed the tip of his manhood with my toes, kicking his bag of tricks off the bed with my other foot. I looped my big toe into his waistband and pulled his pants down around his knees. Then I wrapped both of my legs around the back of his butt, pulling him down hard on top of me. I writhed against his throbbing torpedo until he forgot the kitchen appliances now scattered on my bedroom floor. He came in a glorious release that sent my tunnel of love into spasms of pleasure.